Have you noticed that women by their nature talk more easily about personal issues? Feelings come more easily to them? When you see them in a PCA gathering or ceremony, you wonder, “How can they do that so easily and powerfully?”
The concerns that men have about the program boil down to the question, “Am I losing her?” To which I, a husband of a PCA woman, respond with another question: “Do you desire her to become all that she can become?” Of course, you wish her the best. As in any process of self-development in your beloved, you may have to go through, in some way, what she goes through. The rewards are well worth it, in my own case beyond my most expansive imaginings.
After a day with the PCA women, she may come home on fire with new ideas and experiences. Or perhaps in a tender and withdrawn place after having learned something profound about herself. She may, indeed, seem occasionally distant – that’s because she’s working on something in herself. It’s not about you.
What do you do? Give her space. Encourage her to take a scented bath. Make her tea. Let her speak or not. Sooner or later, she will tell you what’s going on. Your gift to her is patience.
It’s possible that she may encounter something really large, and she’s unavailable for a time. That’s because something old-unwanted-immature is dying in her. Then treat her as if she were grieving for that death, that is, give her a lot of space. It will all end in the glory of a new birth.
PCA has been able to re-discover a natural woman-power that goes beyond the individual – you can call that larger realm “transpersonal” or “universal” – a domain that informs the individual and makes her more herself. She will encounter new heights of beauty in this program that will make your life together more beautiful. Enjoy it!
There are many opportunities to meet the women, to permit their new-found strength of self-knowing to call up in you a new strength. Perhaps a PCA for men will come about. For now, enjoy the growth that she is going through.
Other Men Speak About PCA
On the Path With Shelley Stark by Drake Chamberlin
I am grateful to have the honor of being the mate of a PCA Priestess, and to have been with her as she has gone through this exceptional process of growing and unfolding. Shelley has shared her experiences with me along her path, and we have participated together in rituals she has learned.
The program has had several events in which men connected with the PCA women were included. During these, I received firsthand a sense of the magic and depth of what the group is creating and holding. These events were unforgettable occasions.
The group processes of the women are extremely deep and intense. Shelley, upon coming home from events, would often be in a very different mental state from that of her day to day existence in the material world.
Early on, it would occasionally create a rub when we would reunite, especially when I’d spent the day striving for survival in the daily grind.
David Tresemer was very helpful in coping with this. In one event for the partners of PCA women, he explained the state in which the women returned, and recommended we bring them back slowly with a cup of tea and a massage, letting them talk or not, as they needed. This formula works well.
Now that Shelley has graduated, her understanding continues to mature. Her sense of appropriate ritual for various situations has become innate and her connection with Spirit has deepened. We are evolving together in our shared understandings, and also learning from the ways in which we view the world differently.
To be related to a PCA woman... It's all about change. It started as
scepticism, frustration, resentment, financial concern. I worried about the
potential negative influences of PCA on Deb's and my lives as individuals
and our life as a couple. PCA was changing Deb's ways of thinking, was
taking Deb away for weekends at a time, was asking for our money. Over time
my fears gave way to a realization that Deb was growing, and with her I was
growing. Now I am excited that Deb is in her second year and will continue
to pursue PCA. Who knows, maybe I will join PCA for men in 2006...
Sam
When my wife Christie went into the PCA program in the first year, she initially had an attitude of "What can PCA do for me?" She had never had many close female friends and was a bit concerned about how she would fit in to such a group of women. Watching her, I saw that the experience was completely transformational.
By the end of the first year, she had made many friends and had transformed her attitude to "What can I bring to PCA?" She gained significant spiritual presence, confidence in herself, and an awareness of the Divine in herself. Christie completed the three-year program and is now in the PCA Priestess Circle.
Michael
It is exciting to see my partner dive deep into self exploration and grow in so many ways since becoming involved in the Path of Ceremonial Arts program. The connection that she has discovered with other women, to Mother Earth, and to ritual has been transforming for her. There is a palpable aliveness in her self-expression, a twinkle in her eyes, and an honoring of sacredness in her daily life. It has fed our life stream together as partners by enriching the territories and levels in which we can communicate, play, and work.
Gary
